'Ohana Means Family

Family Means Nobody Gets Left Behind or Forgotten

Maybe you are part of or are familiar with the Hawaiian culture. Or perhaps you have seen the movie "Lilo and Stitch." If so, you know 'ohana -- a broad concept of family, including relatives, friends, and others who support you.

The mantra in "Lilo and Stitch" is: "'Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten." I have adopted that theme in my mediation practice. I highly value my connections to my client families as people. People hire me during what is, for most, the most challenging experience of their lives. They need a professional who is both competent and compassionate.

I provide an outcome that is both thorough and thoughtful. Mediation with me addresses the legal, financial, personal, and familial aspects of a divorce -- official and 'ohana. A legal document can have all of the necessary features and still preserve its core purpose: to make life better and clearer for two divorcing adults and, if applicable, their children.

Your 'ohana is not necessarily the family related to you by blood or marriage. It can include people connected to you in those ways, but it need not be limited. Your 'ohana is the family you choose.

I will ensure that every member of the family and every significant detail -- whether crucial to the case or important to you -- receives the utmost care and personalized attention. I encourage you to choose to be cordial to each other in mediation, to be collaborative co-parents if you have minor children, and to see me as a part of your team, -- your 'ohana.

By Mediator Matthew House, J.D.

'Ohana in Action

'Ohana is more than just a word or a concept. It appears throughout the mediation process. When I pledge not to leave behind or forget anyone, here is what I mean:

Child Custody, Parenting Time Schedules, and Parenting Plans: Your legal custody agreement should not be limited to the simple forms that the Circuit Court requires you to complete and file. Those forms are office-level paperwork, not family-level detail. My Parenting and Custody Toolkit (PACT) is a 78-point audit that can help you decide how specific to make your parenting plan and what conditions might benefit you and your family to draft in advance and make part of the court order.
Assets and Debts: Because of the time I have invested in my financial training in the past several years, I am adept at reading discovery documents. I don't have to ask you for volumes of papers just to complete your mediation; I will request only the documents likely to show me what to point out to you about the value, characteristics, and impact of each of your assets and debts so that we can discuss together the overall disposition that would best meet your and your children's short-term and long-term needs. My Discovery-Driven Deep Dive is my own 68-point protocol for asset division and debt division; creating my own framework enables to be thorough without burying clients in requests for documents.
Child Support for Minor Children must be meticulously done so that it is fair to both parents and respectful of the children's needs and quality of life. If handled poorly or haphazardly, the subject of child support can cause one or more members of the family -- payor, payee, or children -- to feel "left behind" by the perception of a lack of care. Almost all of my clients choose to go beyond the Oregon Child Support Guidelines (OAR 137-050-0710) for expenses such as extracurricular activities, cell phones, teen driving expenses, camps, and hobbies.
Child Support for Adult Children: When adult children of my mediation clients are attending postsecondary education or soon will be enrolling, I will always make sure that the parties and the adult child(ren) understand their respective rights and rsponsibilities under Oregon law. (ORS 107.108). The basic framework for child support for adult children of divorced parents is relatively straightforward, but almost all of my clients who have adult children attending school or about to enroll in college at the time of mediation choose to include provisions in their Marital Settlement Agreement to pay more than the law requires, to extend the timeframe, or to include broader categories of expenses that they will share on behalf of the adult children, not limited strictly to costs directly connected to education.
Spousal Support is sometimes a contentious topic among my mediation clients, but it is a routine discussion that must take place in every case. That is not to say that spousal support will be paid or received in every case. It will not. If you agree that there will be spousal support in your case, we will proceed to discuss the amount, duration, and type -- compensatory, transitional, or maintenance -- along with many other provisions so that both of you will know what to expect and what could cause the payment arrangements to change in the future. Even if you do not intend to exchange spousal support payments, it is crucial to confirm in mediation that you understand the three types of spousal support that ORS 107.105(1)(d) includes.

There are numerous additional specific details that I will include in your Marital Settlement Agreement and will discuss with you in mediation. By prioritizing a thorough approach that takes a close look at finances and the personal needs of each member of the family, I aim to reduce conflict and stress for you during the divorce process and in the post-divorce years.

Next Steps

If you and your spouse have chosen mediation as your preferred method of dispute resolution and you would like to discuss my 'Ohana approach as it concerns the thorough attention to the details of your finances and the needs of each member of your family, please consider scheduling a consultation with me in my Beaverton office or via Zoom.

'Ohana Means Family

Family Means Nobody Gets Left Behind or Forgotten

'Ohana in Action

Next Steps

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